How God Makes Animals, As Told On Twitter

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We all know how cars, computers, and cell phones are made. That’s easy – a quick Google search can tell you that. But have you ever wondered how your pet cat or dog was made? What about an alligator, lion, beaver, or bear? Don’t bother Google’ing it because we have the answers right here via Twitter. The following tweets explain exactly how god created the animals we know and love.
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Pandas

Gee @tricycle_champ, who knew god was such a slave driver at work.
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Spiders

I don’t know about this one @matt__nelson. I’m pretty sure spiders are the work of the devil.
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Bees

You’re totally right @themiltron, bee puke does taste awesome. I especially love bee puke sandwiches, bee puke nut Cheerios, bee puke on my chicken fingers, bee puke on my…
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Alligators

I wish god had made alligators out of something else. I like sitting on floating logs. Damn floating logs with teeth!
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Turkey

Well then, this sure changes Thanksgiving.
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Dogs

Thanks @patagucci for confirming it. All dogs do go to heaven!!! See you soon Mr. Pancake.
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Parrots

Seems about right, @TheDreamGhoul
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Raccoons

Now if only god would make a raccoon jail. I’ve got a family of eight out back that’s turned my yard into a trash heap. A**holes.
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Bugs

So bugs are just weird for the sake of being weird, eh? Huh, weird.
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Bats

Here @tricycle_champ appears to be also explaining how god created my ex-girlfriend.
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Hippos

Now @thetits is also explaing how god created my ex-girlfriend. WTF is going on here??
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Moles

I always knew god had a sense of humor. And it appears @trojansouce has one too. LOL
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Pigeons

This all makes sense @Cpin42. But can you ask god why he names them pigeons. It sounds like Pigs for Eons (which means a very long period of time). :/
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